Something strange has happened to me. I have become content being by myself in social situations. If I am sitting alone somewhere, staring at the ceiling, please don't feel bad for me. It's probably the most peace and quiet I've had in days. In fact, if you come talk to me out of pity because I look lonely, you probably ruined the zen of the moment. Thanks for that.
Deep inside there is a comedian... I enjoyed him for lunch with some fava beans and a nice chianti. Just kidding. But, really, I enjoy making people laugh. I will beat every ounce of life out of a joke, and then give it one more really good swat because, heck, I can. That's my personality, love it or hate it. Lately, though, I have been more than happy to be a fly on the wall, listening and observing vs. working the crowd.
If I'm being truthful, I've never felt like working the crowd. I've always entertained others out of necessity and, eventually, force of habit. When it all boils down to it, I'm much too slow to craft my speech, and I hate how little dexterity there is with the words that come from my lips. In a perfect world I would want to live life with cue cards with the option of ad-libbing a particularly witty one-liner whenever the opportunity arises. Maybe I missed my calling--maybe I should have been a sitcom actress. Even then, I probably would have been cast as the quirky, awkward neighbor or the harried mother screaming at her kids in the middle of the supermarket.... An extra.
I don't want to worry about being myself, socially clumsy as I am, or about giving myself a free pass to get lost in thought when you think I should be doing the limbo or Macarena or something. I don't mind if you don't mind. If you mind, well, you've just become the topic of my next cue card.
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You are awesome. Comment some more and I will be sure to tell you again. :)